RHONY: The Ladies Are Finally at Peace… So Why Am I Bored? And Why Am I Still Watching? ππ
Okay, RHONY, we need to have a little conversation.
Because I’m sitting here watching these ladies, and suddenly everybody is trying to be at peace.
Peace?!
On The Real Housewives of New York City?
Since when did I turn on Housewives to watch everybody find inner peace? I can find peace by turning the television OFF.
And I almost did.
Actually, I’m not even going to lie — I stopped watching for a minute.
But guess what?
I came back.
So apparently I’m part of the problem. π
Everybody Is Fighting… Then Everybody Wants Peace
One minute these ladies are arguing, throwing shade and looking at each other sideways.
Then suddenly everybody wants to sit down, communicate and move forward.
Ladies!
Pick a struggle.
Are we fighting or healing?
Because you cannot spend half the episode acting like you can't stand somebody and then suddenly say:
“I just want us to get to a better place.”
What better place?!
You didn't even like her 20 minutes ago!
That's the thing about RHONY right now. Sometimes I can't figure out whether these women are actually friends, coworkers, enemies or simply women who have been told where to show up by production.
Because I'm not always feeling the friendship.
Are These Ladies Actually Friends?
That might be my biggest issue.
Where is the friendship?
Housewives works best when you believe these women would actually know each other without the cameras.
I want inside jokes.
I want history.
I want somebody saying, “You know she’s been doing this for 15 years.”
I want friendships where you can tell these women have talked on the phone at 2:00 in the morning.
Instead, sometimes RHONY feels like:
“Hello, fellow cast member. I will see you at the scheduled dinner scene.”
πππ
Where is the chemistry?
Where is the FUN?
You can have drama without everybody looking like they would block each other immediately after filming wraps.
And Baby… The Fashion Ain't Fashioning
Now let's get to something very important.
THE FASHION.
New York City is one of the fashion capitals of the world.
So why am I watching RHONY asking myself:
“Is that what we're wearing?”
I'm not saying everybody has to walk into brunch looking like they're headed to the Met Gala.
But give me SOMETHING.
Give me drama.
Give me glamour.
Give me a coat that makes me say, “Okay, where did she get THAT?”
Give me a ridiculous outfit that makes absolutely no sense but somehow works because we're in New York.
Give me fashion that makes me want to pause the television.
Right now?
The fashion ain't fashioning enough for me.
And don't come for me.
I'm just reporting from my couch. π
My Advice to the RHONY Ladies: GET A LIFE
Here's my professional Housewives advice.
And by professional, I mean somebody who has spent entirely too many hours watching reality television:
GET A LIFE.
And I mean that lovingly.
Go date somebody.
Start a questionable business.
Have a disastrous dinner party.
Take us shopping.
Go on vacation and argue over bedrooms.
Get mad because somebody didn't invite you somewhere.
Start a rumor and then spend four episodes pretending you don't remember who told you.
DO SOMETHING!
I need ridiculous Housewives problems.
That's why I'm here!
I don't need every argument to feel like a United Nations peace negotiation.
Sometimes I just need somebody mad because another woman copied her hairstyle.
That's Housewives.
But Here's the Embarrassing Part…
After everything I just said…
I'm still watching.
πππ
That's the joke.
I'm sitting here talking about:
“I'm done.”
“This isn't giving.”
“The fashion ain't fashioning.”
“These women don't even seem friendly.”
“Everybody needs to get a life.”
Meanwhile, the next episode starts and I'm sitting there like:
“Okay, what happened?”
That's how these shows get you.
You complain.
You threaten to stop watching.
You announce that you're done.
Then somebody says something shady in the preview and suddenly you're back.
That's me.
I'm apparently in a toxic relationship with RHONY.
RHONY, I Need More!
I don't hate the show.
That's actually why I'm complaining.
I want RHONY to give me something worth talking about.
Give me friendships that feel real.
Give me funny moments.
Give me fabulous New York fashion.
Give me petty arguments.
Give me women actually enjoying each other.
And yes, give me drama — but let the drama feel natural.
I don't need everybody screaming every five minutes.
But I also don't need everybody suddenly finding peace.
We're watching Housewives.
Peace is lovely.
But peace doesn't always make great television. ππ
LET'S GET MESSY IN THE COMMENTS!
Are you still watching RHONY?
Do these ladies actually feel like real friends to you?
Is the fashion fashioning this season — YES or NO?
And be honest: Have you ever said you were DONE with a Housewives show…and then watched the very next episode?
Because apparently that's exactly what I'm doing.
I told RHONY to GET A LIFE…
while sitting on my couch watching RHONY.
The jokes write themselves. ππ
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