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That Tina Turner Statue in Brownsville? A Whole Mess!

Listen, I say this as someone who adores Tina Turner, one of the greatest entertainers to ever live: that new statue of her in Brownsville, Tennessee — her hometown — is ugly as HELL! And I don’t mean “ugly-cute” like something quirky you eventually learn to love. No. I mean flat-out, “why did they do my girl like this?” ugly.

They said the statue was supposed to capture her during her Private Dancer era. Okay, pause. Anybody who knows Tina in that era knows she had that big, spiky, lion-mane hair. That hair was a statement by itself — bold, rebellious, unforgettable. But this statue? That ain’t it. Instead of spiky rock-star glory, we got a tired, flat “wig off the clearance rack” look that doesn’t belong anywhere near Tina Turner’s name.

The Face… Child, We Gotta Talk

Now let’s get into the face. Whew. Instead of sculpting Tina at her prime — strong, vibrant, radiating energy — they gave us a face that looks more like the end of her life, when she was older and battling health issues. That’s not the Tina the world remembers. That’s not the woman who flipped stadiums upside down with “Proud Mary” or who strutted across a stage in heels taller than most people’s rent.

Statues are meant to immortalize legends at their strongest, not remind us of their frailest moments.

The Muddy Finish

The body? Fine. They kind of got the stance right — those famous legs are at least recognizable. But the finish? A hot, muddy mess. Why does it look like the statue’s been sitting out back in a rainstorm? Tina Turner was sequins, sparkle, shine. She was all about that glow, both on stage and off. Her statue should’ve been polished, catching the sunlight, making people stop in their tracks. Instead, it looks like it needs a power