“Raging in the 305: Real Housewives of Miami Season 7, Episode 5 Recap – Cocktails, Cold Shoulders & Calling Folks Out”
Reality Rundown: RHOM Season 7, Episode 5 – Review Recap
If there’s one thing The Real Housewives of Miami is going to give, it’s drama with a side of mojito shade. Episode 5 of Season 7 had it all: denial, delusion, drama queens, and one too many exits (and I’m not just talking about Todd leaving in the middle of the night). Let’s dive in, because baby, the girls are not okay.
👏🏾 Guerdy Said What She Said
Let’s start with the realest one in the room—Guerdy. Now, I don’t know why Alexia keeps acting like Guerdy’s emotions are a performance. Sis said it was all “in her head”? Girl… was it in her head when Todd packed his overnight bag and bounced without a word? Guerdy is expressive. She’s passionate. She’s not aggressive—she just doesn't believe in faking it for the cameras. And frankly, that energy is needed because too many of these ladies are living in La La Land (and not the one in California).
🍸 Marisol’s Cocktail Flopped
Let’s address it—Marisol and that cocktail line. Baby, the name “Cocky” ain’t catching. It’s giving gas station mixer, not luxury brand. And while she’s always got a drink in hand, maybe it’s time she sipped on some humble juice instead. Just because you were the mayor’s daughter doesn’t mean every brunch comes with a built-in endorsement deal.
💔 Lisa & Jody – Trouble Brewing
Lisa and Jody… whew. That relationship has the same stability as a Miami thunderstorm—cute for five minutes then chaos. The tension is building. You can see it in Jody’s face every time Lisa speaks. It's written all over his expression: “I didn’t sign up for all this.” And Lisa? She's still healing from Lenny, but instead of slowing down, she jumped into another situationship that feels rushed and forced. Spoiler alert: It’s not going to end well.
🖤 Julia… Why?
Now let’s talk about Julia. After that situation with the drinks and the weird tension between her and Guerdy, it’s giving “what are you still doing here?” Real talk, Julia’s presence this season feels... misplaced. Remember when she first came on the show and everyone was like “Yaaas, representation!”? But now? Confused. And that includes her dynamic with her wife Martina Navratilova, who once gave us presence but now feels like a silent cameo. Also, shout out to them adopting Black children—but let’s keep it real: they treat Guerdy like she’s the help, not a castmate. Microaggressions? We see you.
💅🏾 Stephanie is THAT Girl
Can we take a moment for Stephanie? She’s low-key snatching this season without even trying. She’s smart, she’s stylish, and she’s got that “boss chick” energy we needed. Meanwhile, that ex-Basketball Wife is just kinda there… looking like she wandered onto the wrong set. Ma’am, you meant to film with Shaunie.
🎭 Final Sip
Episode 5 served a lot of unresolved tension with a side of pretty dresses. Guerdy is the only one brave enough to say what everyone’s thinking. Marisol’s stuck in her drink dream, Lisa is holding on to a love life that’s already expired, and Julia… well, Julia's still trying to remember why she signed that Bravo contract.
Question for You:
Do you think Alexia was gaslighting Guerdy this episode, or is Guerdy just “too much”? And what’s your take on Lisa and Jody—will it survive the season?
Drop your thoughts in the comments—let’s spill some Bravo tea ☕👇🏽
#RHOM #RealHousewivesOfMiami #BravoTV #GuerdyDeservesBetter #CocktailsAndClaws #MiamiDrama #RealityRundown
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