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Zoom Dating or Zoom Circus? The Online Speed Dating Madness

So let me tell y’all about this online speed dating event I tried the other night. Picture it: a virtual Zoom room, cameras flickering on and off like it was a light bill that never got paid, people popping in and out like we were at a drive-thru window. Baby, it wasn’t speed dating—it was speed disappearing!

One second you’re mid-sentence, talking about your favorite food or trying to flirt with a little smile, and poof—camera off, screen black, gone like they saw a ghost. I swear one dude gave me all of three minutes of conversation before he dipped. Three. Minutes. Like sir, what are you—Uber Eats? Just passing through?

And the drama didn’t stop there. Some people weren’t even there to date. No, no, no. They were just there to pass time. Cameras on, cameras off, eating snacks, folding laundry. Somebody was literally seasoning chicken on camera. I said, “Chile, is this Dinner Date or Hell’s Kitchen?”

But here’s the real gag—half of these folks weren’t even serious. They were just there to play games. And let me tell you something: if you’re over 21, the only games you should be playing are on your PlayStation, not with people’s hearts. This is real life, baby. Real life. Not hopscotch. Not musical chairs.

Honestly, the whole thing was like speed dating meets reality TV. A little messy, a little shady, and a whole lot of “why did I waste my time?” But hey, at least I walked away with a story to tell—and probably a new comedy skit idea. Because if love wasn’t in the Zoom room that night, at least the jokes were.

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